Sunday, October 16, 2016
Day six
Today I not only was grateful to be able to go to church and feel the spirit from an amazing sacrament meeting, but our family was also able to have some friends over to play games and hang out. I felt refreshed spiritually from sacrament meeting and loved hanging out with our good friends as usual :).
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Day five
Ya know - You have to be grateful for sister time. My sister came down to visit and we were able to stay up late and watch a movie with kiddos, talk late into the night, do a bit of window shopping at a local antique store and go out to lunch. It was VERY needed and I am so blessed to have her in my life <3.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Day four
I was grateful that yesterday I was able to share about of my story with a good friend. When I was 18 years old my life took a 180 degree change of direction from where I thought I would be headed at that point, leading me to change my focus and helping me see vistas I never would have been able to see had it been for the new path that was set before me. Sharing a small part of my story made me realize that I never have totally written down everything that happened which is so important not only for our posterity but for our own good. It allows us to see the transformation, the change of heart. My friends son chose to have sex before he was married resulting in his girl friend becoming pregnant with a baby girl. A couple short months after high school, I found myself in the same situation from one night, leading me to reevaluate everything, and to shift focus. I was lucky because I was blessed to be paired with an amazing young man who stepped up to become a young father and a husband at such a young age. We were immature, young, but both had a will to succeed. We both wanted to make this work, and to never give up which has helped us get to where we are today presently. Hearing my friend share this news brought about so many emotions because I was was her son, Keith and I both were. Words can not capture how scared you are, how lost you feel and I knew how her son was feeling. I wanted to share with him that it was going to be OK. It really is, especially since he has parents that love him and want to see him succeed in his life. He has the gospel at his fingertips to help lift him, giving him the gift of the Atonement that will allow our Savior, Jesus Christ to make his wrongs right, to let him know that He LOVES him and that He will help carry him through this difficult time. The most sacred thing that I drew from this experience was the relationship I developed with my Savior. It was one of the most spiritual, influential, renewing experiences I have ever been through in this life that allowed me to gain a better understanding of how just how much he LOVES each one of us. He wants us to draw unto Him because His grace will transform us into being more courageous, spiritual and strong. Today, I am a stronger person for going through that trial and appreciate what it taught me and how it transformed me into be the person I am today.
Here is what I shared: Satina, I have told my story to very few people because honestly, over the years I felt judgement from those even in the highest seats of the church but today my heart felt SO many emotions when I read your status because I have been Nick, Keith and I were Nick. As you know my home was not perfect. My brothers were not active and my dad was less active in many aspects and home life was not happy due to drug and mental health problems from my brothers. I remained the perfect Mormon girl for my parents by going to seminary, finishing my YW Medallion, even giving Keith, my boyfriend at the time, a Book of Mormon at the temple and honestly, being a really good kid! I was laurel class president up until Christmas break of my Senior year when I became angry at the Lord for what was happening to my family. I stopped going to church and during those last few months of my senior year, deep down I knew the church was true but anger kept me from going regularly. At the end of May, the night of my senior prom, I made a decision that changed my life forever. The next morning was a wake up call to where I was in my life and where I needed to go back to. I decided to go back to church and talk with my bishop. I even went to girls camp two weeks later! A month after girls camp, I discovered I was pregnant with Diana. Keith and I were young, shocked and emotionally raw at the discovery. So many dreams went away - going to Ricks, running in college for Keith, and the traditional path we both had once dreamed of in our youth! I remember Keith and I crying for days and days on end finally buoying up the courage to face our fears to tell our parents face to face. The frightful night came and emotions were high, especially from his parents who already didn't like me because of my LDS ties but what my parents did right that night was the love that they showed me. We met with my Bishop and the love he showed me was what kept me going through those emotionally challenging next few months. He wrapped his arms around me and told me with tears in his eyes that my Savior loved me and this changed nothing in how he felt about me. Over the next few months that fall, I would be called "A Mormon Whore", "The girl who had it all but lost it", "Slut", and endless names that I won't list here. I was none of what I was called of course but they hurt - some even coming from the RS president and her councilors. The next few months of repentance brought about a change of heart with His Grace and His love that words can not grasp. It CHANGED ME for the better and made ME the strong person I am today. It made me realize that out of that night I was able to share my gift of the gospel of Jesus Christ with my husband who joined the church when I was 5 months pregnant. He studied the scriptures with me, becoming a changed person and wanting to be baptized. Eventually we were married and sealed.
The week we were to be sealed was filled with MANY trials that were put in our way to deter us to move our sealing date. Keith and I prayed and fasted and felt the adversary working hard to keep us from going one of which was Diana getting VERY sick the night before with the flu. At 18 months old the night before we were to be sealed for time and all eternity, she came down with a fever of a 102, chills and was lethargic. I was distraught because for months we had worked so hard to get here and now it would have to put off. We prayed with much faith that night for her to be healed. In the morning she was still sick but we felt we should GO TO THE TEMPLE and to trust him, all would be well. We dressed our sick little Diana and headed off with our family members to the Portland temple and as we pulled up to the temple Diana became quiet and smiled. We headed into the temple with her, still sick and as we went into the temple, her sickness left – her fever was gone….our prayers had been answered. Because we listened, we not only were sealed that day but we saw a miracle – a gift of faith, a little note from my Heavenly Father saying, “See, I told you it would be ok ;)”. It truly was one of the best days of my life!
Here is what I shared: Satina, I have told my story to very few people because honestly, over the years I felt judgement from those even in the highest seats of the church but today my heart felt SO many emotions when I read your status because I have been Nick, Keith and I were Nick. As you know my home was not perfect. My brothers were not active and my dad was less active in many aspects and home life was not happy due to drug and mental health problems from my brothers. I remained the perfect Mormon girl for my parents by going to seminary, finishing my YW Medallion, even giving Keith, my boyfriend at the time, a Book of Mormon at the temple and honestly, being a really good kid! I was laurel class president up until Christmas break of my Senior year when I became angry at the Lord for what was happening to my family. I stopped going to church and during those last few months of my senior year, deep down I knew the church was true but anger kept me from going regularly. At the end of May, the night of my senior prom, I made a decision that changed my life forever. The next morning was a wake up call to where I was in my life and where I needed to go back to. I decided to go back to church and talk with my bishop. I even went to girls camp two weeks later! A month after girls camp, I discovered I was pregnant with Diana. Keith and I were young, shocked and emotionally raw at the discovery. So many dreams went away - going to Ricks, running in college for Keith, and the traditional path we both had once dreamed of in our youth! I remember Keith and I crying for days and days on end finally buoying up the courage to face our fears to tell our parents face to face. The frightful night came and emotions were high, especially from his parents who already didn't like me because of my LDS ties but what my parents did right that night was the love that they showed me. We met with my Bishop and the love he showed me was what kept me going through those emotionally challenging next few months. He wrapped his arms around me and told me with tears in his eyes that my Savior loved me and this changed nothing in how he felt about me. Over the next few months that fall, I would be called "A Mormon Whore", "The girl who had it all but lost it", "Slut", and endless names that I won't list here. I was none of what I was called of course but they hurt - some even coming from the RS president and her councilors. The next few months of repentance brought about a change of heart with His Grace and His love that words can not grasp. It CHANGED ME for the better and made ME the strong person I am today. It made me realize that out of that night I was able to share my gift of the gospel of Jesus Christ with my husband who joined the church when I was 5 months pregnant. He studied the scriptures with me, becoming a changed person and wanting to be baptized. Eventually we were married and sealed.
The week we were to be sealed was filled with MANY trials that were put in our way to deter us to move our sealing date. Keith and I prayed and fasted and felt the adversary working hard to keep us from going one of which was Diana getting VERY sick the night before with the flu. At 18 months old the night before we were to be sealed for time and all eternity, she came down with a fever of a 102, chills and was lethargic. I was distraught because for months we had worked so hard to get here and now it would have to put off. We prayed with much faith that night for her to be healed. In the morning she was still sick but we felt we should GO TO THE TEMPLE and to trust him, all would be well. We dressed our sick little Diana and headed off with our family members to the Portland temple and as we pulled up to the temple Diana became quiet and smiled. We headed into the temple with her, still sick and as we went into the temple, her sickness left – her fever was gone….our prayers had been answered. Because we listened, we not only were sealed that day but we saw a miracle – a gift of faith, a little note from my Heavenly Father saying, “See, I told you it would be ok ;)”. It truly was one of the best days of my life!
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Day three
Today I was SO grateful to be able to watch my son run at his cross country meet in Corvallis at Avery Park! It was raining heavily, muddy, but luckily not cold! There is a storm brewing for the weekend so I was a bit worried they would cancel it but the show went on rain or shine so we headed down to watch him! He was a bit tired from fighting the stomach flu for two days but he did great and I loved to see how much he has grown as a runner!
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Day 2
Today was a day of sickness in our household with everyone in the throws of a epic battle against the stomach flu; Diana got the worst of it poor thing and was throwing up violently all night. Its days like these that make me grateful for health because when you feel this poor, it certainly makes you reflect and appreciate your good health that allows you to function and grow as an individual :). Another added blessing was Clark was only lightly affected by the whole thing which was a large worry of mine because babies this young who get the stomach flu, can sometimes end up hospitalized.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Day 1 - A fresh start
A little more than two years ago, I started this blog as a way to gain a better appreciation for what God has blessed me with in this life. I wanted to have joy in all things, having a change of heart to see the continual good that God is always giving in the big and small things in my life and those around me. Well life became busy more than two years ago when we decided to sell our starter house. The blog was put on the back burner because well life happened. Hours of painting, yard clean up, de-cluttering and whatever else went into getting our house ready to sell literally consumed my life for a few months. Looking back on old posts of when I did this for first time, I see a change of mind starting and right now I really need that with what is going on in our lives.
For day one on my second attempt at putting on my rose colored glasses, I would like to be grateful today for the inspiring words of my churches leaders. Recently, our family has been going through a hard time financially making me feel depleted from working two jobs resulting in my spiritual bucket needing the balm of living waters to inspire, uplift and renew the spiritual depletion I have been feeling. Every talk I listened to at General Conference reminded me that He loves me, He knows how I am feeling and He knows the righteous desires of my heart. There is Joy to be felt in any situation and it made me realize how I needed to start doing that for my spiritual heath! I had put my self into a bad habit of being angry and sad of "Why are we still here?", and, "Are you even listening?" These feelings are normal but kept me from truly seeing the good that was all around me. I love General Conference and have felt the Saviors Grace heal my heart and give me rest. He loves us and His love is no matter what. He knows what is best for us and sometimes we wont see that, if we do not see the Joy in all things.
"When the focus of our lives is on Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives."
- Russell M Nelson
For day one on my second attempt at putting on my rose colored glasses, I would like to be grateful today for the inspiring words of my churches leaders. Recently, our family has been going through a hard time financially making me feel depleted from working two jobs resulting in my spiritual bucket needing the balm of living waters to inspire, uplift and renew the spiritual depletion I have been feeling. Every talk I listened to at General Conference reminded me that He loves me, He knows how I am feeling and He knows the righteous desires of my heart. There is Joy to be felt in any situation and it made me realize how I needed to start doing that for my spiritual heath! I had put my self into a bad habit of being angry and sad of "Why are we still here?", and, "Are you even listening?" These feelings are normal but kept me from truly seeing the good that was all around me. I love General Conference and have felt the Saviors Grace heal my heart and give me rest. He loves us and His love is no matter what. He knows what is best for us and sometimes we wont see that, if we do not see the Joy in all things.
"When the focus of our lives is on Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives."
- Russell M Nelson
Sunday, November 1, 2015
November 1st - Reflection
Today we met with our Bishop, the leader of our local ward's congregation. While we met with him, it occurred to me at the end of our appointment, that it has been almost one year since we moved, a move that seemed to have much resistance from our children and was lonely those first few months. It brought about a new way of small town living, different people, new traditions, relationships and opportunities for our family that wouldn't have happened if we had stayed where we were at in life. The Lord knew we needed to be here and it was one of the hardest trials of my faith to make that change in listening to His wisdom that all would work out. It would be OK. I just need to trust Him that when the going gets tough, there will be light at the end, there will be a beautiful view at the top of that mountain that I would not have had the chance to see if it had not been for my beautiful heartbreak. Beautiful heartbreak. I love THAT! Life takes us places we never thought we would be or end up with plot twists that make us say out loud, "Really Lord? You want me where?" But isn't that the point? Did we not sign up for this! We signed up to come down here to live these lives where we knew there would be hard times where we would NEED to rely on the Lord to see His guidance in where we should be, who we should be in acquaintance with and where we need to be heading in living our lives to become more Christ-like.
I started this blog in 2014 to see the good in my life, those blessings I may have not been seeing in my normal day to day view, so busy, I may have missed them. I love reading over old posts because it reminds me that I am missing SO much of those little moments my Father in Heaven is smiling down on me, thinking of me and letting me know he CARES about ME, little old ME! He loves me and gives me trials so I can be blessed and learn a valued lesson from Him that is just for me. Looking back, all of my trials with the right attitude, actually became blessings in disguise IF, I let them be. With the wrong attitude we can lose course, ending up somewhere else, forfeiting the valued lesson He wanted to teach us. So for day one back at this challenge, I want to say, with a full heart, I am grateful for even the hard times, those trials that make it seem bleak, and persistently hard. In the end if we hold on course, stay true to the faith and who we really are, we will make it to the end with a beautiful view on life that is just for us!
I started this blog in 2014 to see the good in my life, those blessings I may have not been seeing in my normal day to day view, so busy, I may have missed them. I love reading over old posts because it reminds me that I am missing SO much of those little moments my Father in Heaven is smiling down on me, thinking of me and letting me know he CARES about ME, little old ME! He loves me and gives me trials so I can be blessed and learn a valued lesson from Him that is just for me. Looking back, all of my trials with the right attitude, actually became blessings in disguise IF, I let them be. With the wrong attitude we can lose course, ending up somewhere else, forfeiting the valued lesson He wanted to teach us. So for day one back at this challenge, I want to say, with a full heart, I am grateful for even the hard times, those trials that make it seem bleak, and persistently hard. In the end if we hold on course, stay true to the faith and who we really are, we will make it to the end with a beautiful view on life that is just for us!
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