Friday, October 14, 2016

Day four

I was grateful that yesterday I was able to share about of my story with a good friend. When I was 18 years old my life took a 180 degree change of direction from where I thought I would be headed at that point, leading me to change my focus and helping me see vistas I never would have been able to see had it been for the new path that was set before me. Sharing a small part of my story made me realize that I never have totally written down everything that happened which is so important not only for our posterity but for our own good. It allows us to see the transformation, the change of heart. My friends son chose to have sex before he was married resulting in his girl friend becoming pregnant with a baby girl. A couple short months after high school, I found myself in the same situation from one night, leading me to reevaluate everything, and to shift focus. I was lucky because I was blessed to be paired with an amazing young man who stepped up to become a young father and a husband at such a young age. We were immature, young, but both had a will to succeed. We both wanted to make this work, and to never give up which has helped us get to where we are today presently.  Hearing my friend share this news brought about so many emotions because I was was her son, Keith and I both were. Words can not capture how scared you are, how lost you feel and I knew how her son was feeling. I wanted to share with him that it was going to be OK. It really is, especially since he has parents that love him and want to see him succeed in his life. He has the gospel at his fingertips to help lift him, giving him the gift of the Atonement that will allow our Savior, Jesus Christ to make his wrongs right, to let him know that He LOVES him and that He will help carry him through this difficult time. The most sacred thing that I drew from this experience was the relationship I developed with my Savior. It was one of the most spiritual, influential, renewing experiences I have ever been through in this life that allowed me to gain a better understanding of how just how much he LOVES each one of us. He wants us to draw unto Him because His grace will transform us into being more courageous, spiritual and strong.  Today, I am a stronger person for going through that trial and appreciate what it taught me and how it transformed me into be the person I am today.

Here is what I shared: Satina, I have told my story to very few people because honestly, over the years I felt judgement from those even in the highest seats of the church but today my heart felt SO many emotions when I read your status because I have been Nick, Keith and I were Nick. As you know my home was not perfect. My brothers were not active and my dad was less active in many aspects and home life was not happy due to drug and mental health problems from my brothers. I remained the perfect Mormon girl for my parents by going to seminary, finishing my YW Medallion, even giving Keith, my boyfriend at the time, a Book of Mormon at the temple and honestly, being a really good kid! I was laurel class president up until Christmas break of my Senior year when I became angry at the Lord for what was happening to my family. I stopped going to church and during those last few months of my senior year, deep down I knew the church was true but anger kept me from going regularly. At the end of May, the night of my senior prom, I made a decision that changed my life forever. The next morning was a wake up call to where I was in my life and where I needed to go back to. I decided to go back to church and talk with my bishop. I even went to girls camp two weeks later! A month after girls camp, I discovered I was pregnant with Diana. Keith and I were young, shocked and emotionally raw at the discovery. So many dreams went away - going to Ricks, running in college for Keith, and the traditional path we both had once dreamed of in our youth! I remember Keith and I crying for days and days on end finally buoying up the courage to face our fears to tell our parents face to face. The frightful night came and emotions were high, especially from his parents who already didn't like me because of my LDS ties but what my parents did right that night was the love that they showed me. We met with my Bishop and the love he showed me was what kept me going through those emotionally challenging next few months. He wrapped his arms around me and told me with tears in his eyes that my Savior loved me and this changed nothing in how he felt about me. Over the next few months that fall, I would be called "A Mormon Whore", "The girl who had it all but lost it", "Slut", and endless names that I won't list here. I was none of what I was called of course but they hurt - some even coming from the RS president and her councilors. The next few months of repentance brought about a change of heart with His Grace and His love that words can not grasp. It CHANGED ME for the better and made ME the strong person I am today. It made me realize that out of that night I was able to share my gift of the gospel of Jesus Christ with my husband who joined the church when I was 5 months pregnant. He studied the scriptures with me, becoming a changed person and wanting to be baptized. Eventually we were married and sealed. 
The week we were to be sealed was filled with MANY trials that were put in our way to deter us to move our sealing date. Keith and I prayed and fasted and felt the adversary working hard to keep us from going one of which was Diana getting VERY sick the night before with the flu. At 18 months old the night before we were to be sealed for time and all eternity, she came down with a fever of a 102, chills and was lethargic. I was distraught because for months we had worked so hard to get here and now it would have to put off. We prayed with much faith that night for her to be healed. In the morning she was still sick but we felt we should GO TO THE TEMPLE and to trust him, all would be well. We dressed our sick little Diana and headed off with our family members to the Portland temple and as we pulled up to the temple Diana became quiet and smiled. We headed into the temple with her, still sick and as we went into the temple, her sickness left – her fever was gone….our prayers had been answered. Because we listened, we not only were sealed that day but we saw a miracle – a gift of faith, a little note from my Heavenly Father saying, “See, I told you it would be ok ;)”. It truly was one of the best days of my life!


Satina Tolman Oh my goodness Rachel! You have made me cry so hard! What a beautiful story. I know that what you went through is part of what makes you and Keith the AMAZING people you are today! I just love you so much! The part I'm so sorry for you about is the way you were treated. That is terrible and there is no excuse for that! But they will be judged according to their hearts. Your heart is so good! Thank you for being my friend!
Rachel Nye You made me cry this morning and made me realize that long ago I was that scared 18 year old girl who came out on top, proving to everyone, Keith and I did figure it out, creating the amazing family we have today! . I LOVE YOU!! I am always here to listen, Satina <3/
Fred Kreller Ugh, who's cutting up onions?
Satina Tolman Those darn onions. Ogres are like onions! ðŸ˜‚
Crystal Lee Ova I dont know Rachel Satina Tolman but i am so happy she wrote this message for you . My heart is happy 
Jennifer Brimhall Madsen Rachel Nye What a beautiful story! I hope you don't mind me reading it. I told Satina, I was Diana in your story except there was two babies my twin sister and I. The Lord blessed my parents, my sister and I. My mom joined the church when we were three. Now I see the blessings of her having children very young. It was how it was supposed to be. He knows so much more than we do! Love you both!
Sara Moseley You made ME cry!! Thank you for sharing your story Rachel. You women are all amazing and inspirational and I admire you all and look to you for examples of what a mother should be. Here I am: 25, expecting my first child that was completely planned with my eternal companion and I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. I can't imagine how you and Keith must have felt and how Nick and Jade must be feeling. But thank you for renewing my faith and reminding me that it's all going to be okay. Satina, you've got an amazing army standing beside you ready to fight forward with you because we love you and your family

Satina Tolman Oh my goodness Rachel! You have made me cry so hard! What a beautiful story. I know that what you went through is part of what makes you and Keith the AMAZING people you are today! I just love you so much! The part I'm so sorry for you about is the way you were treated. That is terrible and there is no excuse for that! But they will be judged according to their hearts. Your heart is so good! Thank you for being my friend!
Rachel Nye You made me cry this morning and made me realize that long ago I was that scared 18 year old girl who came out on top, proving to everyone, Keith and I did figure it out, creating the amazing family we have today! . I LOVE YOU!! I am always here to listen, Satina <3/
Fred Kreller Ugh, who's cutting up onions?
Satina Tolman Those darn onions. Ogres are like onions! ðŸ˜‚
Crystal Lee Ova I dont know Rachel Satina Tolman but i am so happy she wrote this message for you . My heart is happy 
Jennifer Brimhall Madsen Rachel Nye What a beautiful story! I hope you don't mind me reading it. I told Satina, I was Diana in your story except there was two babies my twin sister and I. The Lord blessed my parents, my sister and I. My mom joined the church when we were three. Now I see the blessings of her having children very young. It was how it was supposed to be. He knows so much more than we do! Love you both!
Sara Moseley You made ME cry!! Thank you for sharing your story Rachel. You women are all amazing and inspirational and I admire you all and look to you for examples of what a mother should be. Here I am: 25, expecting my first child that was completely planned with my eternal companion and I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified. I can't imagine how you and Keith must have felt and how Nick and Jade must be feeling. But thank you for renewing my faith and reminding me that it's all going to be okay. Satina, you've got an amazing army standing beside you ready to fight forward with you because we love you and your family



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